If he would have cracked me upside the head with a baseball bat I would not have been more shocked. I know better than to ever let my guard down. Is blindsided the word? Yes, I think that describes it, perfectly.
Here is how it went, from my point of view. I commented on a facebook site called Bringchange2mind, and then I decided that sharing the site with my "friends" was important.
Bringchange2mind has given me clarity. The stigma of mental illness should be addressed. I am proud to have been given a voice. I am proud of my children, even though they are struggling. I am not ashamed that I, too, have struggled with depression, in the past. I believe that for the first time in my life I feel stronger at my weakest places.
My children's natural father decided to attack me, on facebook. He accused me of limiting Nate's future by associating with this group. I have shamed him,(Nate) for speaking out. Because of me, he will never get a job, or an apartment, or a future. That is the edited version of the messages, but it was cruel. It was typical of the kind of abuse I endured throughout our relationship. Along with physical abuse, there was this oppression. I was edited, dismissed, violated.
We have been divorced since 1988. All these years I have tried to keep communication open, for the sake of the children. I once had to get a restraining order against him, after threats that I took seriously, many years after our divorce, and while I was married to Jerry.
Anyway, this guy is hostile, and intelligent, and moody. He scares me, but I will not be intimidated. He is not my friend, he is an ex.
Do you know what else disturbs me? He goes to AA faithfully, AA a support group. He is a member of his church choir. I guess you really never know, do you? In my mind, my heart, I did nothing wrong. I never mentioned Nate, at all. I just shared information about the group. A support group, that I identify with.
Here is how it went, from my point of view. I commented on a facebook site called Bringchange2mind, and then I decided that sharing the site with my "friends" was important.
Bringchange2mind has given me clarity. The stigma of mental illness should be addressed. I am proud to have been given a voice. I am proud of my children, even though they are struggling. I am not ashamed that I, too, have struggled with depression, in the past. I believe that for the first time in my life I feel stronger at my weakest places.
My children's natural father decided to attack me, on facebook. He accused me of limiting Nate's future by associating with this group. I have shamed him,(Nate) for speaking out. Because of me, he will never get a job, or an apartment, or a future. That is the edited version of the messages, but it was cruel. It was typical of the kind of abuse I endured throughout our relationship. Along with physical abuse, there was this oppression. I was edited, dismissed, violated.
We have been divorced since 1988. All these years I have tried to keep communication open, for the sake of the children. I once had to get a restraining order against him, after threats that I took seriously, many years after our divorce, and while I was married to Jerry.
Anyway, this guy is hostile, and intelligent, and moody. He scares me, but I will not be intimidated. He is not my friend, he is an ex.
Do you know what else disturbs me? He goes to AA faithfully, AA a support group. He is a member of his church choir. I guess you really never know, do you? In my mind, my heart, I did nothing wrong. I never mentioned Nate, at all. I just shared information about the group. A support group, that I identify with.
I identify with being edited and dismissed. It still turns my blood cold when I think back to how insignificant my voice was.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, you did nothing wrong.
Of course you did nothing wrong!!
ReplyDeleteGo to your settings and block the ex!!
Jane, my Bachelors is in Human Services. I'm a passionate advocate for being a necessary voice for the developmentally disabled. Stigma must be a thing of the past - we've come too far.
I get you!
His AA affiliation troubles me because he is misrepresenting the program with his actions. I won't even go into the church thing...
Suffice it to say that simply because someone is an "attending" member does not equate their compliance. MANY people walk in and out of public doors simply for its appearance...
You keep your head high missy!! You love your children very much and strive to do what is in their best interest
how could that ever be wrong?
~d
Oh,, and you've made me think about my ex - maybe it isnt such a bad thing that we have zero communication...........
Jane, even if you 'block' him from your blog, he can access yours from another Peep's blog.
ReplyDeleteBTW..."Going to AA" is not a magic cure--for ANYTHING. After I stop drinking, I find out that I STILL have that screwed-up wiring system, sans alcohol. My 'thinker' had been damaged, extensively.
AA is REALLY about CHANGE, using 12 Steps, which require WORK, and are NOT fun. Many Peeps do not 'bother' with the Steps (Which IS our program...meetings are NOT our 'program'.) Meetings are where we learn about those Steps.
Peeps who do not seriously work steps are like the Bank Robber who comes to AA to stop drinking
He stops drinking and what we have then is a SOBER BANK ROBBER. Until he CHANGES (COMPLETE psychic change!) he will NOT get well--he may not drink, but........
I'm all for ZERO communication in a case like yours. Also--please excuse me. I get on the soapbox when I hear of Peeps using AA (AND CHURCH CHOIR HAHA!) to pretend they are fine now, all well. BULL SHIT!
In LOVE and SERVICE, Jane
PEACE!
Thanks, everyone, for your support. I was not saying anything against AA. In fact I believe in the 12 step program.
ReplyDeleteMy Ex didn't have the excuse of beating me because of alcohol, he was sober, every time.
My dilemma is that having an open communication with him, while keeping my distance is essential because our children are both so vulnerable. They have his last name, and I fear I would not be notified if Zack was hospitalized, or perished.
I am sorry to infer that AA had anything to do with his behavior. It is a support group, and I believe his involvement is good for him. He really didn't start drinking until after our divorce.
I will keep speaking out for those who can not speak for themselves. I will be supported. Most of all, I know I can protect myself, now.
Thanks, and much love,
Jane