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Monday, May 24, 2010

Did you know?

Did you know that if you were never scared, embarrassed, sorry, or hurt, it would mean that your life was empty? All good things come from being uncomfortable, at least in the beginning.

It is only recently that I thought about that. Being that I have had an anxiety disorder my entire life, I have felt that way about the most common ordinary circumstances. For instance, going to get the mail sends chills down my spine. It is true.

I am on a journey now that causes great fear. I am about to look for a different job, and move to a city where I know nobody. I have to find a place to live. I have to find a job. I have to make friends.

I know that these are simple things, but for me they are distressing. What if I can't find a job I love. What if the house I choose isn't as nice as the one that I am leaving. What if no one likes me. What if I fail?

I am almost 50 years old. Am I too old to start over again? Will I be happy there?  I guess that is all up to me.

I know that all change is not growth. Sometimes change is good, sometimes it is not so good. I know that staying here, out of fear is only hurting my family. So I will be strong, and do what I have to do, to make a good life for myself and my loves.

It will take courage. It will take fortitude. It will take humor. I will be uncomfortable, for a while, and it will be good. This I pray.