Thoughts

I believe in luck. I have always tried to balance this belief with my belief in my higher power. Someone once told me that to believe in luck is to not have faith in God. How can that be so? I guess luck to me is the work of God. I believe in good luck and bad luck. I believe that in order to stay in the good graces of God you must not invite evil into yourself. So I am still trying to work it all out. I think that in my mind it is all in order, but explaining it, now, I sound a fool.

I am a curious being. I have played at being many things, but play is the key word. I do not take myself too seriously. Some have described me as " too nice". Some say I am flighty. Some say I am rigid, mostly my co-workers. Think of it, rigid, me? Nooooooo!!! Okay I admit to having a fear of tardiness. I am compulsive about time, and make sure I am early. I may be a fear driven person, and that makes me appear rigid, I suspect. But ask me to take a chance, go somewhere I have never been, do something new, and I am always up for it. My fears do not hold me back! They are just there, and I spend days and nights with a racing mind, waiting for something.

 Okay, I will admit, here and now, my greatest fear is losing my children. Now if you have followed this blog for a while you know I have reason to fear. Read my first blog entry, and you will understand, if you don't. So there, like that needed to be put out there, NOT!

So back to the thinking. Love is primal. It can transform anyone. I have been lucky enough to always feel loved. Honestly and completely. I have known loving parents, grandparents, brothers, children, family. I end most conversations with " I love you" because I believe you can not tell someone that enough, if it is true. I also love myself, yup, I do.

Okay, I am also going to put this out there... What if you knew this would be your last sunset? What if the last time you gazed into the eyes of a loved one, it was the last time? You have moments like that, you know. Last moments. Good moments, that you had no idea would be your last. I sometimes forget that things change. I try to appreciate things like they were last moments. That sounds morbid, doesn't it? Well it is true. So I will go on with my days and years, and enjoy in moderation all that I can. Nature, people, work, pleasure, quiet, noise, all of it. I will thank God for everyday he gives me, and I will remain lucky in love. 

A Mother's day miracle!

This is something special, to me. I have been waiting for the day when my camera and I would be at the same place as an eagle. This morning it happened! The best part about it is that my Mom and I would always spy Eagles and say that they were good luck. I really think that this was a gift from the heavens above. 

A Bird and her nest were soon parted

I sat with camera in hand waiting for for the action to begin. It was a chore, I didn't like, and was unable to carry out. Jerry knew that his Mom would insist on the nest being removed. He was right. Luckily there were no eggs, yet. I just hope miss Robin has time to build a new one before her due date. I left bits of string and straw for her to start over.

A laugh is a smile that bursts!

I believe that the world is a wonderful place.
I believe that people are inherently good
I believe that family is a word that encompasses all the people that you feel are your family whether they are blood relatives or not
I believe in empathy
I believe in cultivating relationships
I believe in taking chances
I believe that I can feel the presence of God and that he walks with me every step of the way
I believe in the pursuit of happiness
I believe that animals have souls
I believe in the truth, and I believe that sometimes it is better to withhold it
I believe that time will tell
I believe that laughter is the very best medicine

Happy Mother's day

My beautiful Mom, her graduation photo

My Grandparents

My Mom, Dad, and I 

Iggy

I have probably uploaded this video before. But Iggy my cat is old, and we have made the difficult decision to have him put down before we move. It was a difficult decision, for all of us, and I am sad. He is a good cat, and he has been faithful to us for all of these years.

He is going bald, and losing weight. He is eating like a maniac, and that is not usual for him. I suspect that he has cancer or some other distressing illness. Jerry says that we were neglectful letting our dog Tundra suffer for so long without putting her down. It didn't matter how many times we took her to the vet, there was always some reason to take her back home. She was so sick, at the end. She looked at us, asking for mercy.

 I will not do that to little Iggy. He should not suffer. I know that! I also know that I will never have another cat. Ever! He was with us for many many years. He was my dream cat, and will be my last feline friend.

I am learning to value the process

Each moment along the way, that is what's important. I used to think that the more choices I had the
luckier I would be. I let fate decide for me. I didn't want to be limited by decision making. I saved the hard decisions for later.

 Eventually my framework, the few sticks I did put up, fell, with a gust, and I tumbled. My soul flitted with the wind, like a brown withered leaf. I lost my need to control. I lost my desire to succeed, to be the best. I just loved the work. I loved being tired, physically tired, at the end of the day. I loved not fearing last years numbers. Did I sell enough, was I good enough? The only ledger I compare with now are the smiles I see when I walk into a room. I know that the clients I help are happy to see me, glad that I am working today.

 I wish that I could go on like this forever, but there is no money in care giving. Not the kind of money that a person of fifty needs to live. I have loved the last seven years, helping the developmentally disabled, but I know that I have to move on, now. I have learned to value the process of healing. I am ready to move forward towards a single goal. A simple goal, who's frame is strong and sturdy, and ready for the long haul.