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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

There is so much more to me, than this little blog, but it is a start.

I am at a precipice in my working life. It is time to move on, and be more that I have been these last 8 years.I I enjoyed being in the service of others. Being the stable one, the safe one, the teacher, and the student, it was just what I wanted it to be. The helping profession, doing good for mankind.
Working with the severely mentally challenged, and some mental illness thrown in for good measure, you see past the problems, the behaviors, and love the clients. You LOVE them, with your whole heart. Their happiness is your happiness. You are their stability, and it is your duty to have it together, and leave the rest at the door.
My personal life has factions like that as well. Nate, in the group home, only needs to hear pleasant news. There is no need to stress him, further.

I joined my company, eagerly, knowing their reputation for good works. I went about my work confidently, for 8 years, driving 60 miles through the woods, winter and summer. Through dangerous blizzards, weather warnings, tornado sirens, floods, Drunk drivers, broken down cars, flat tires, brake problems, serious anxiety, just to get to where I was needed, and wanted, and appreciated.

The shadow has lifted, now. I see that my work is not valued, like I once thought. I am a pawn in their game.   A facade of a christian name and backers. A company motto to hold all to the standard of Christ's good works.

I am finally clear to see that my hope for an ideal has not been realized. It is time to move on. I will not look back, because I do love those clients I care for daily. Love will be in my life, again. I just hope that those clients are not made aware for their caregivers distress. They have had difficult lives, and just need to be safe.

Safe is an illusion, I know that. Safe is just being your best, doing your best, and living right. I hope...