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Monday, May 9, 2011

Thoughts

I believe in luck. I have always tried to balance this belief with my belief in my higher power. Someone once told me that to believe in luck is to not have faith in God. How can that be so? I guess luck to me is the work of God. I believe in good luck and bad luck. I believe that in order to stay in the good graces of God you must not invite evil into yourself. So I am still trying to work it all out. I think that in my mind it is all in order, but explaining it, now, I sound a fool.

I am a curious being. I have played at being many things, but play is the key word. I do not take myself too seriously. Some have described me as " too nice". Some say I am flighty. Some say I am rigid, mostly my co-workers. Think of it, rigid, me? Nooooooo!!! Okay I admit to having a fear of tardiness. I am compulsive about time, and make sure I am early. I may be a fear driven person, and that makes me appear rigid, I suspect. But ask me to take a chance, go somewhere I have never been, do something new, and I am always up for it. My fears do not hold me back! They are just there, and I spend days and nights with a racing mind, waiting for something.

 Okay, I will admit, here and now, my greatest fear is losing my children. Now if you have followed this blog for a while you know I have reason to fear. Read my first blog entry, and you will understand, if you don't. So there, like that needed to be put out there, NOT!

So back to the thinking. Love is primal. It can transform anyone. I have been lucky enough to always feel loved. Honestly and completely. I have known loving parents, grandparents, brothers, children, family. I end most conversations with " I love you" because I believe you can not tell someone that enough, if it is true. I also love myself, yup, I do.

Okay, I am also going to put this out there... What if you knew this would be your last sunset? What if the last time you gazed into the eyes of a loved one, it was the last time? You have moments like that, you know. Last moments. Good moments, that you had no idea would be your last. I sometimes forget that things change. I try to appreciate things like they were last moments. That sounds morbid, doesn't it? Well it is true. So I will go on with my days and years, and enjoy in moderation all that I can. Nature, people, work, pleasure, quiet, noise, all of it. I will thank God for everyday he gives me, and I will remain lucky in love.