Recently, I have been lucky enough to have come across books that have lead me to self fulfillment. They ask for truth, honesty, and in return I will have a more fulfilling life. They state that to find stillness and peace is essential to improving ones outlook.I am trying to soak it all up, practice stillness, be aware of the moment, and not jump ahead. I am finding this very difficult. I am not by my nature a still person. I am afraid of what stillness will drum up in my brain. I am afraid to really express my emotions. I feel like an atom bomb, whose stability is in question. I may just shatter, break down and take the whole of society with me in the process. Somehow I feel these things, and I know that there is truth in that. There is also fear in that, and a skewed sense of self worth.
Jackpot! I have been terrified to be myself. I am afraid to offend people with my bad behavior, my desire to misbehave. I hide behind the facade of a good solid person, but I have a truth in me that is shameful.. And I am not just talking about my overwhelming desire to eat chocolate covered strawberries. I am talking about ending bad relationships, saying no more excuses. No more abuse. I am talking about asking for what I want, and expecting it. No more putting my desires last. No more silence when someone puts my lifestyle down. I Will Defend my life choices, or if I decide they need to be revised , I will be brave enough to do that too. The truth will set me free..........the truth will set me on a path........my truth will be my priority.