We may have been raised with the belief that blind obedience was the moral way. Never question authority figures, do what you are told, be good. It really didn't matter if what we were told made any sense to us, it mattered that we obeyed. It mattered what the neighbors thought, it mattered what other people thought. We may have inferred that the only opinion that didn't matter was our own.
Personally, I have been a people pleaser all of my life. I put myself last, my opinion was the one that went unspoken. I didn't always follow my instincts, and I should have. My moral compass was pointing to true North.
I am happy to say that I didn't raise my children to follow blindly. Yes, the same children who in previous blogs, I reviled are rail bums and who have abused drugs. It is as though we will prevent terrible things from happening if only we worry enough. If we guard ourselves from all of the negative things around us, if we look away from tragedy, if we look past homelessness it will not affect us. I am here to say that it will. I am here to tell you that even spiritual people, who have done all that they can to prevent such things, can be blindsided.
I am thankful for the disruption in my people pleasing life. I am thankful to my children for not only being themselves, but showing me my error of blind obedience. I was shaken out of my comfort zone and given a chance to look at everything anew. I read somewhere that your sadness can make you empty, your sadness can make you open up. The strange thing is I was sadder in my ignorance than I am now. I have put a mirror in front of myself, and seen me for the first time. I may not like everything about myself, and my decisions, but from now on, they will come from my heart. My moral compass will lead me.