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Sunday, February 19, 2012

Not good enough

Have you ever thought about why you hold back?  I have, and I know it is because I honestly think I am just not good enough. Photography...not good enough, there are so many young people with talent, and I am just learning at 50. Artist....not good enough to show my work. Writer....not good enough, someone might be critical. Mother...not good enough, look at how my kids struggle. Wife....not good enough, not enough sex, not enough home cooked meals, not enough laughter.  I do not think I am able to move past these feelings of insecurity and just go for it! I hold back, never taking it out of the shadows.

So, what do I think I do well? Good question. I can walk, in fact I enjoy walking, and thinking. I enjoy just being outside, but somehow inside my head. I am good at it. Does it benefit anyone? Maybe. It calms me, and some of my biggest smiles are alone, walking, smiles. In fact after a brisk winter walk I sometimes come inside to throbbing teeth from the cold hitting them, as I smile. Now if you were to look at photos of me you would never see my teeth. I am not a toothy smiler. I am self conscious of my smile. I have been since I was young. When I am walking along, alone, though, I just don't care. I smile!

So....I forgive myself for all of my shortcomings! I am going to push myself outside of my comfort zone, and be a little bit uncomfortable for a while. Hey, life really is short! If it doesn't work out the only person I have to answer to is myself, anyway. Oh and you...the 4 people who read this blog. Okay, there might be 5 people reading this, but one is my husband...does he count? Just kidding! He gets to walk my insecure path each and every day. I am going to be better, for me. He may benefit a little, too.




3 comments:

  1. Jane...my goodness this could have been my words! Too bad we don't live in the same area...we could do photo jaunts and appreciate each other for trying and believing WE ARE GOOD!

    I read somewhere that to be a writer you have to believe you are one. That is all you need. So that is fine with me. I am a writer...I'm not some fancy smancy one but who cares.

    Is it our 50's that plunk us into some odd world of no longer the young version but clearly not our parents and feeling discombobulated? I wonder how many women out there feel this way and what a wonderful women support group could form via just opening our hearts and arms to each other.

    I'm here Jane...not going away. And I love your photo and I love your words...Keep on!

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  2. We can be so hard on ourselves, Jane. To me, and i've said this before, writes write. Quite simply. when you write, and assuming you write often, you can consider yourself a writer. And equally along the scale of creativity, bloggers blog. Just as writers write. Go easy on yourself.

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  3. I am reading this, again, 4 years later. I am still plugging along, and gathering the courage to jump out of my comfort zone.

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