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Sunday, August 28, 2011

Happy Birthday, my Son.

Yesterday was Zacks birthday. He didn't call. I think that was a first. I am broken hearted. I worry, I am in tears as I write this.

My Dear Son, Zachary Matthew,

You were born on the hottest day of 1984, two days past your due date. You were born exactly 8 pounds, 22 inches long, and beautiful beyond my wildest dreams. I fell in love with you, instantly. I was young, I was 22 years old, and had never even held an infant. I was scared, and excited. I could not take my eyes off of you. You were a part of me, and your own person from the beginning.

Did you forget the day? Are you okay? Are you alive? These are the questions that run through my mind. Not my imagination, everyday thoughts. I mourn you, even though I have no idea if you are alive. I mourn the relationship we should have. We should talk every week. I should be a Grandmother. I should be able to hug you, occasionally.

Anyway, this is my memorial to your birth. This photo was taken exactly 27 years ago, today. You were one day old, and I was in the hospital.

Just know, I love you. I have always loved you, and will always love you. You can not disappoint me, because my expectations are null. I wish you the very best. I hope you are happy. That is all.

Love, Mom

I know Zack will never read this. He has no idea I blog. I just needed a place to keep my grief, and love, and sorrow. I needed a place to keep my memories. Thanks for understanding.

Peace, Jane