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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Struck

If he would have cracked me upside the head with a baseball bat I would not have been more shocked. I know better than to ever let my guard down. Is blindsided the word? Yes, I think that describes it, perfectly.
Here is how it went, from my point of view. I commented on a facebook site called Bringchange2mind, and then I decided that sharing the site with my "friends" was important.

Bringchange2mind has given me clarity. The stigma of mental illness should be addressed. I am proud to have been given a voice. I am proud of my children, even though they are struggling. I am not ashamed that I, too, have struggled with depression, in the past. I believe that for the first time in my life I feel stronger at my weakest places.

My children's natural father decided to attack me, on facebook. He accused me of limiting Nate's future by associating with this group. I have shamed him,(Nate) for speaking out. Because of me, he will never get a job, or an apartment, or a future. That is the edited version of the messages, but it was cruel. It was typical of the kind of abuse I endured throughout our relationship. Along with physical abuse, there was this oppression. I was edited, dismissed, violated.

We have been divorced since 1988. All these years I have tried to keep communication open, for the sake of the children. I once had to get a restraining order against him, after threats that I took seriously, many years after our divorce, and while I was married to Jerry.

Anyway, this guy is hostile, and intelligent, and moody. He scares me, but I will not be intimidated. He is not my friend, he is an ex.

Do you know what else disturbs me? He goes to AA faithfully, AA a support group. He is a member of his church choir. I guess you really never know, do you? In my mind, my heart, I did nothing wrong. I never mentioned Nate, at all. I just shared information about the group. A support group, that I identify with.