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Monday, October 18, 2010

A change of seasons

Someone following my blog observed that Fall is my favorite time of year. This may be true. In some ways Fall is a beautiful ending to a delightful Summer. Winter is looming and with it brings darkness, difficulty, and slipping on  ice. Winter also has its beautiful frost paintings on the windows, the snowflakes drifting down, and the bright light reflecting off of the mounds of snow. It is both beautiful and deadly. The weather is harsh. There is a biting cold that gets into your bones and doesn't leave until the Spring arrives.

This Fall has been difficult. My father was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. I am sad. I know it is not going to be an easy winter for my family. To watch my father die, is terrifying. I am afraid my mental health is not strong enough to withstand this blow. I have already been through a depression. It sucked, to say the least. I do not look forward to the months ahead. I pray that I will get through this, with my mental health. I do. I know I will survive this, but at what cost? My marriage is strong, my children are grown, my job is secure. I sit here at the computer, with tears on my cheeks. This is normal, I know. Being sad is okay, now. I just need to remember that,  and do my best to keep my balance this winter. Not to slip, and fall on the ice of my life. I am going to be an orphan, soon. Okay, enough of this self pity. I am done, for now.